My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
