So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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