I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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