There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
