NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
