I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
