the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
