Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
