I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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