Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this boner is exhausting
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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