$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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