my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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