So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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