How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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