I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
