I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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