i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im on a boat
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