no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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