If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
