i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
