i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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