I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
