someone owes me an orgasm
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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