And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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