haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
