Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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