dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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