Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
