girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
