she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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