i was rollin on her like bob the builder
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
