She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
