I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
