i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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