Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
