is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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