I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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