I am in a vortex of obligation.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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