the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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