dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
