Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it because I queefed?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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