No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
