stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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