On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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