Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
