im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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