Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
