and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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