Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
