I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
