Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
3 2 1 whiskey
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
