Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
