Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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